meandbaby

my heart hurts...

2007-11-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

Last night at a clinic, I was there for check up together with my 2 munchkins. We were sitting waiting for our turn when suddenly I heard 1 boy said to her mother...

Boy : Ma..eeee...budak cacat...

I know he meant D*anish because there is no other children there except for my boys and him. Ohh! how I felt like my heart hurts so much..I saw my Hubby's face turned one kind..

The mother...didn't say a word..just ask the boy to kept quiet and not to play with my 2 munchkins...

me....ohh it hurts me deeply..I feel like crying..not that i feel ashamed to have a special child...but to a mother who have a special child the word retarded and cacat is bad ...very bad word...

Ramadhan Ini

2007-10-08T00:25:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan ini.....pertama kali menyambut puasa tanpa Babah..terkenang semasa dia masih ada, kuih lopis,bubur lambuk,laksam, lompat tikam jadi kegemaran. Dia pergi meninggalkan kami pada 20 June 2007. Sehari sebelum Anniversary dengan mama.....sayu hati

Ramadhan ini.....berita gembira disebalik kesedihan itu...I'm carrying my third munchkin now...hopefully everything will be okay...too early too know anyway...menggunakan kesempatan ramadhan ini utk berdoa banyak-banyak agar my baby will be alright.

Ramadhan ini....banyak juga berita gembira....surat yang dinanti dah dapat. alhamdullillah rezeki bulan puasa....hal rumah baru pun dah selesai bulan ramadhan ini...insyaallah akan pindah lepas raya nanti...

Ramadhan ini....zaman dah berubah, dulu tak de siapa nak ucapkan salam ramadhan sekarang malam nak menyambut ramadhan bertalu-talu sms masuk menyambut kedatangan ramadhan...antara sms yg menarik ialah
- Perkataan yg cantik "ALLAH", Lagu yg merdu "AZAN",Novel yg menarik "AL-QURAN",senaman yg baik "SEMBAHYANG",diet yg mujarab "PUASA", Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al Mubarak.

-Jika hati sejernih Air, jgn biar ia keruh. Jika hati seputih Awan,jgn biar ia mendung. Jika hati seindah bulan hiasi ia dengan iman.Selamat berpuasa,semoga kita berusaha menambahkan amal ibadat di bulan baik ini,insyaallah.

-Jika semua harta adalah racun,maka zakat penawarnya. Jika seluruh umur adalah dosa,maka taubat ubatnya. Jika seluruh bulan adalah noda maka ramadhan pemutihnya. Selamat manyambut ramadhan.

- KArnival Ibadah sempena menyambut Ramadhan Al-mubarak.Bonus hebat menanti anda antaranya:keredhaan Allah,keampunan Allah,balasan syurga, bonus 1000 bulan,tingkatan taqwa,jimat belanja,sihat tubuh badan,rezeki mencurah,doa dimakbul,lailatul qadar dan banyak lagi. Untuk keterangan lanjut,sila rujuk al-Quran,hadith dan alim ulama,rebutlah tawaran yg sah dari 13/9 - 12/10 2007 selagi stok usia masih berbaki.

Dah nak raya dah pun.....Selamat menyambut Aidilfitri...hati-hati dijalan raya...salam dari kami sekeluarga

Buku Merah

2007-04-18T04:03:00.000-07:00

me : Boys,besok bangun pagi ye..nanti ikut mama.
D* : mama tak work ke?
me: work,tapi mama nak kena bawak abang and achik kejap pegi buat buku merah.
Z*: buku merah nak pegi L**
me: ye...sapa bangun lambat tak leh buat buku merah nanti tak dapat ikut mama pegi L**

Long after that conversation,D* came up to me ...

D*:ma, besok kejut D* tau...esok kita pegi buat buku merah tau..
me: okay!

I've settled one part...and my strategy is not to collect the buku merah so soon...so that tak le hari-hari kena tanya buku merah dah siap and bila kita nak pegi L**...hmmm... diorang tak sabar..I lagi le tak sabar...

Happy Birthday Ma!

2007-04-05T23:40:00.000-07:00

On my birthday the other day,I asked my 2munchkin

me : Birthday sapa hari ni??
munchkins : Birthday Mama!!
me : so mana mama punya present?
Z* : Z* nak beli mama Power Rangers warna pink...
me : ok..bestnya! thank you..Abang?
D* : Nanti la jap..nanti D* pegila la beli ngan babah kat Giant...tunggu jap..
me : OK..nak belikan apa?
D* : D* nak beli mama Spiderman warna pink...

Until today..still wondering how did they know pink is a lady colour...and do they really have pink spider man???? ha!ha!ha!

Cicak

2007-03-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

On our way to Penang the other day we overheard the two munchkins chatting at the back..

Adik : Abang...abang ni Cicak man kan??

Abang (D) : ya

Adik : Tau tak pe..

Both of us burst into laughters hearing my small munchkin comment..cute and innocent. mana la diorang ni belajar cakap macam ni..

Down Syndrome day...

2007-03-08T00:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was questioned by a friend, how did Danish got his DS..I supposed it was an honest question and as she said to me 'really,if I have a special child I would read and search for things related on the condition and will put my best effort to improve my child's future if it may..but my children are okay..' well part of it is true..Just for everyone's knowledge 21st of the 3rd Month, MARCH is chosen to signify the uniqueness of the syndrome as the Trisomy 21 chromosome is used synonymously with Down Syndrome.

You are invited to Down Syndrome Day celebration
Date : 21st March 2007,Wednesday
Time : 9.00am-12.30pm
Venue: Pantai Medical Centre

There will be Exhibition,talks,sharing by individuals with DS,sharing by Paediatrician of PMC and performance by our adorable children of Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation.

Anyway'Selamat Hari Wanita to all the women bloggers!'

Aku dan Ramadhan

2006-09-28T02:21:00.000-07:00

Nak sambung tag by Cyberdad..

First time, aku berpuasa. Masa tu umur lima tahun. Posa yang yuk.Tengah hari bukak periuk mintak nasi..tapi still claim duit upah…kalau setengah hari mama upah lima posen..jadi le…

First time, aku berpuasa penuh. Masa darjah Satu..malu oh kalau tak posa penuh…nanti member –member ejek…sekolah pompuan je so ok le sikit…masa ni le hari-hari pakai baju kurung g sekolah…

First time, aku berpuasa jauh dari family. Masa tu dah besar dah..masa buat Diploma kt U*itm…seronok sebab tak penah rasa buka posa ramai-ramai ngan kengkawan…time kaya..buka kat section 2 atau café feberet kat PKNS Deliqueen (skang dah tutup dah)..time tengah sengkek kt dining hall la apa lagi..kul 6 berduyun-duyun mengangkut Tupperware yang ada g tapau makanan pastu berbuka kat bilik reramai,bergilir-gilir le bilik sapa..pastu lepas buka berduyun-duyun masuk toilet cuci segala maknenek tupperware and pingganware yag dah pakai masa buka tadi.
Kalau rajin hari tak de kelas..sabtu ke ahad..masak ramai-ramai kat bilik masakan yg disediakan kat blok..masa tu le nak tunjuk skill ngan senior-senior..buat nasi kerabu..pudding caramel..macam-macam..
First time, aku bayar zakat fitrah sendiri. Tak masuk dalam diary sebab kita pompuan.

First time, jatuh sakit semasa berpuasa. Belum pernah tapi pregnant masa posa..pernah.masa pregnant dua org munchkin tu..time posa memang tengah sarat..bulan posa 2000 and bulan posa 2003,masa tu tengah 6-7 bulan..sarat tapi larat lagi jalan kaki ke sana kemari..memang incredible la masa posa..tak rasa apa pun..rahmat Tuhan syukur Alhamdullillah…yg syok lagi mengandung masa posa nih sebab posa penuh..

First time puasa sebagai seorang isteri Masa nih baru lepas gugur kandungan yg pertama..first time berposa berdua..banyaknya berbuka kat umah parents..sebab dah duduk dekat lagi pun berdua je..and masa nih we all rajin le bergilir umah sedara-mara yg ada memenuhi jemputan berbuka di umah diorang.

First time puasa sebagai ibu. Sama je..Cuma giliran menyusu tu yg agak kelam kabut sikit sebab kalau time susu dekat time sahur memang le ngantuk gila..nak lagi D selalu sakit masa baby..so kalau sakit je memang tak tido malam le..

First time puasa di oversea. .tak penah..tak nak merasa pun.

First time bukak puasa kat ofis. In my previous job..memang selalu..ada, sekali tu dah la tengah sarat …keje banyak..hubby dok mengadap kita..teman buat keje kat opis..berbuka minum teh tarik yg dibeli masa hubby balik keje petang tuh…mengalir air mata…kenapa la macam nih rupanya..had a decent bukak posa pun masa tuh dah kul 10 malam

First time berpuasa terlupa sahur (tahun ni). First day posa..Bukan terlupa tapi malas nak bangun sebab memang sejak kahwin sahur sorang-sorang..so ingatkan boleh le tahan sebab hari tak keje..tapi dah biasa sahur lembeknya semacam…tak leh jadi nih..so sejak hari tuh belum penah lagi tak sahur..at least minum susu and makan roti ngan cheese…

latest...

2006-07-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

M A = MA...M A =MA ...MAMA! D jerit...I was busily humming tunes of the songs from the radio while driving..second attempt...M A=MA..M A =MA...MAMA!..then I realised D dah pandai mengeja...oh my god! then slowly I turned off the radio and called his name..'D , apa D ckp tadi..cuba ulang mama nak dengar lagi sekali'..dia dengan bangganya ulang perkataan yg dieja..hatiku dah berbunga-bunga...yahoo! D dah pandai eja...walaupun that is the only word...at least dia dah dapat concept spelling dah syukur Alhamdullilah...
Bila dah sampai rumah...sambil-sambil kemas rumah,again I asked D to spell my name..."D eja nama mama...dia pun ulang..M A =ma..M A =ma..MAMA busuk!! eh dah tambah pulak..and we laughed...pandai pulak dia usik mama dia...
Last night we were at my mother's house...my mother gave him a box of colour pensils for he and his cousins to do some artworks while we the adults busily having our dinner...suddenly D came to us and showed us his artwork...dia dah pandai lukis...although the drawing tak la nampak mcm muka org but still my son can draw a stick man...he can draw the face..he put the eyes,nose and mouth at the right position..he has so much improved since he attended the daily kindergarten...sayang i'm not an internet savvy so tak pandai sangat nak upload gambar...that I could share his artwork here...

Have a good week ahead guys..

To The Wonderful Women in my circle

2006-04-04T21:25:00.000-07:00

When I was little, I used to believe
in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart
to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're
going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're
going through things with your mom.

Another when you want to shop,
share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say let's pray together, another
let's cry together, another let's fight together,
another let's walk away together.

One friend will meet your spiritual needs,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym
shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from
making a complete fool of yourself ...
those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many it's wrapped up in several...
one from 7th grade, one from high school, several
from the college years, a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor, on others your sisters,
and on some days your daughters.

Wish list

2006-02-14T18:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I heard in the news that the government is going to start on the national action for the disabled. As a mother to a special children of course this news will bring some excitement to us. We, mothers of disabled children do sometimes share our views and difficulties in raising our children. I do hope that the government really sit down with the experts and table everything and hopefully the National Action will turn out to be what all of us has wished for.

Here are some of my wish:

1. To have a full kindergarten for disabled children run by the government
2. To have a centre for autistic children in all major cities
3. To have centres that cater for Down syndrome,autistic and dyslexia children only run by government
4. to have more incentives for research on disability (especially children with mental disability)
5. To have a clearer path for parents on guiding our children for the future education, not only on vocational education
6. To have a proper assessment on the ability of the children for the placements in public schools, as each special children has different capabilities
7. To strenghen the current school syllabus in order to equip our children with the future environment (independent,religion,sex education etc)

what do you say??

Smile...

2006-01-19T18:42:00.000-08:00

For a normal child, a smile is one of the first few things that baby does...but for D*anish it took some time for him to smile...with much effort of stimulating his gross motor skills...stimulating his smile muscles to make him smile..it took a while...such an easy things was a task for him...I did read somewhere that there are children with DS who took a year to smilebut now he can laugh endlessly..his smile greets me every evening when I come home....I love his smile,to hear his laughter,his giggles and his chuckles...Last evening when I took the kids to some evening rendeavous, I heard this song...enjoy!

When I see you smile

Sometimes I wonder how I'd ever make it through
Through this world without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue
'Cos sometimes it seems like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free
And then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you (one look) baby
And everything's alright,evrything's alright (so right)

When I see you smile, I can face the world,oh oh
You know I can do anything
When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, oh oh
I see it shining right thru the rain
When I see you smile, baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What a touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing I ever knew
And when the rain is falling

I don't feel it,'cos you're here with me now
And one look at you baby
Is all I'll ever need
It's all I'll ever need..

Wonder by Natalie Mechant

2005-12-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

I would like to dedicate this song specially to my son,D*anish who will start his first day in preschool next year....have fun baby!

Doctors have come
from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving what they're seeing
They say I must be one of the wonders
of God's own creation
and as far as they can see they can offer
no explanation
Newspapers ask
intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head
to steal the glory
of my story
They say I must be one of the wonders
of God's own creation
and as far as they as they see they can offer
no explanation
I believe
fate smiled & destiny laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience
and with faith
she'll make her way"
People see me
I'm a challenge
to your balance
I'm over your head
show I confound you
and astound you
to know I must be one of the wonders
of God's own creation
and as far as you can see you can offer me
no explanation
I believe
fate smiled & destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer "
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patienceand with faith
she'll make her way"

Deep in my heart I always belive that my son will make his way...

Syurga rumah tangga

2005-11-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

Di pagi Jumaat yang mulia ini, I would like to share something with you....sama-sama mengingatkan..

Syurga rumahtangga itu fitrah Ilahi
Naluri semulajadi yg. pinta diisi
Kerananya 'jejaka' rela menjadi suami
Kerananya 'perawan' rela menjadi isteri

Masing-masing dengan harapan
Agar rumahtangga membawa kebahagiaan
Matlamat yg. satu tapi jalan berliku
Destinasi sama kaedah berbeza

Lalu bermacam-macamlah jalan ke sana
Ada yang mengatakan Bahagia itu pada harta
Diukir dari intan permata (gah! suamiku seorang jutawan)
Tak kurang yg. merasakan Bahagia itu pada rupa
Ditempa oleh wajah rupawan (wah! isteriku seorang jelitawan)
Sesetengahnya berkeyakinan Bahagia itu pada nama
Dibaja gelar yang glamour (ah, isteriku seorg. celebrity)
Ramai jua yg. merasakan Bahagia itu pada kuasa
Dituai oleh pangkat dan jawatan (wah, suamiku seorang negarawan)

Pelbagai jalan menimbul delima
Mencari yang benar mempelai tersasar
Kalaulah bahagia itu ada pada harta
Kalaulah bahagia itu ada pada nama
Kalaulah bahagia itu ada pada rupa
Kalaulah bahagia itu ada pada kuasa

Kenapa Charles & Diana berpisah?
(seorang putera & seorang puteri)
Kenapa Elvis & Priscilla berpecah?
(seorang seniman & seorang seniwati)
Kenapa Onasis & Jackie bertelagah?
(seorang jutawan seorang celebrity)

Bahagia itu dari dalam diri
Kesannya zahir rupanya maknawi
Terpendam bagai permata di dasar hati
Terbenam bagai mutiara disalut nurani
Bahagia itu pada HATI
Bertakkhta di kerajaan diri
Bahagia itu pada JIWA
Mahkota di singgahsana rasa
Bahagia itu KESABARAN
Bila susah tak gelisah
Bila miskin tak pemarah
Bila sakit tak gundah
Bila gagal tak resah
Bahagia itu KESYUKURAN
Bila kaya pemurah
Bila berkuasa amanah
Bila berjaya tak alpa
Hakikatnya bahagia itu KETENANGAN
Bila hati mengingati Tuhan
Firman Allah "Ketahuilah dengan mengingati Allah itu memberi ketengan pada hati"
Suami isteri sama-sama mengerti Maksud terseni takdir Ilahi Itulah zikir yang hakiki
Binalah rumahtangga atas tapak iman
Tuliskan niat luruskan matlamat
"suamiku, kaulah pemimpin menuju Ilahi"
"isteriku, kaulah permaisuri hati penyeri Islamku nanti"
Muktamadlah akad sahlah nikah
Dengan nama Allah Gerbang perkahwinan pun terserlah
Diatas tapak iman dirikanlah hukum Tuhan Iman itu tujuan syariat itu jalan
Tempat merujuk segala permasalahan T
empat mencari semua penyelesaian
"Isteriku, taatilah hukum Allah"
"Suamiku, patuhilah sunnah Rasulullah"
Binalah hidup di neraca makruf
Rumah jadi sambungan madrasah
Serinya kerana solat Indahnya oleh munajat
Tapaknya.........iman Jalannya...........syariat Natijahnya............akhlak
Tiga penjamin segala Kunci kebahagiaan rumahtangga
Dan terciptalah: "setia dan penyayang suami" "cinta dan kasih isteri"
Lalu berbuahlah: 'mahmudah demi mahmudah'
Yang melahirkan 'soleh dan solehah'

Salam Aidilfitri

2005-10-28T00:28:00.000-07:00

Salam Aidilfitri everybody..have an enjoyable festive season and have a safe journey...

A poem that will give you goosebumps!

2005-10-12T23:48:00.000-07:00

This needs to be read, even though it will give you goosebumps and may Bring tears to your eyes.....

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
They said had run the light
That caused the six-car pileup
On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about
and blood was everywhere,
the sirens screamed out ulogies,
for death was in the air.

A mother, trapped inside her car,
was heard above the noise;
her plaintive plea near split the air:
Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

She fought to loose her pinned hands;
she struggled to get free,
but mangled metal held her fast
in grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused
on where the back seat once had been,
but all she saw was broken glass and
two children's seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
she did not hear them cry,
and then she prayed they'd been thrown free,
Oh, God, don't let them die!"

Then firemen came and cut her loose,
but when they searched the back,
they found therein no little boys,
but the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad
and was travelling alone,
but when they turned to question her,
they discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild
and screaming above the noise
in beseeching supplication,
Please help me find my boys!

They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
their jeans are blue to match."
one cop spoke up, "They're in my car,
and they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there
and gave them each a cone,
then told them both to wait for Mom
to come and take them home.

I've searched the area high and low,
but I can't find their dad.
he must have fled the scene,
I guess, and that is very bad."

The mother hugged the twins and said,
while wiping at a tear,
he could not flee the scene, you see,
for he's been dead a year."

The cop just looked confused and asked,
now, how can that be true?"
The boys said, "Mommy, Daddy came
and left a kiss for you."

He told us not to worry
and that you would be all right,
and then he put us in this car with
the pretty, flashing light.

We wanted him to stay with us,
because we miss him so,
but Mommy, he just hugged us tight
and said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand
and told us not to fuss,
and he said to tell you, Mommy,
he's watching over us."

The mother knew without a doubt
that what they spoke was true,
for she recalled their dad's last words,
I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain
the twisted, mangled car,
and how the three of them escaped
without a single scar.

But on the cop's report was scribed,
in print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight
on Highway109.

MY PERFECT CHILD BY ANONYMOUS

2005-09-30T00:03:00.000-07:00

As my children were born,
I wanted them to be perfect.

When they were babies,
I wanted them to smile and be content playing with their toys.
I wanted them to be happy and to laugh continually
instead of crying and being demanding.
I wanted them to see the beautiful side of life.

As they grew older,
I wanted them to be giving instead of selfish.
I wanted them to skip the terrible twos.
I wanted them to stay innocent forever.

As they became teenagers,
I wanted them to be obedient and not rebelious, mannerly and not mouthy,
I wanted them to be full of love,gentle and kind-hearted.
"Oh, God, give me a child like this" was often my prayer.
One day He did. Some call him hanmdicapped...I call him Perfect!!

A child's frustration

2005-09-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

I've read in Ayah's blog on Zaim's frustration for not being able to participate in his scholl play...now I would like to share my experience many years ago which has left a very deep cut in my heart till now...
When i was 8 years old I was picked by my ustazah(sekolah agama) to be one of the presenter in the syarahan session for the school's annual prize giving ceremony....the text was written by my father...I've watched my father carefully search for the right hadith and verse from the Holy Quran to be included in that piece of 'syarahan'..it was something very creatively written and to be presented by her daughter...
later my ustazah read the piece and agreed that it was inded a very nice piece...then come the part where I had to hafal and taught by my ustazah on how is the lenggok, so it would attract people to hear my syarahan... the actions..I was so proud at that time..cause I'm the only 8 year old pupil who would be doing her solo presentation...betapa petahnya I masa tu.. I had to practise in school before the session start and after school and I will dutifully practise in front of my babah...in fact i practise everywhere...make pronounciation is clear..ayat and hadis dibaca dengan betul...
And then 2 weeks before the ceremony...my ustazah said that i can't performed that day because i'm too small ..they afraid that I would be so nervous on that day and i would loss all the words..i couldn't believe myself to hear those things after sacrifying my time and effort and it was wasted just like that...and do you know that my piece was handed over to a much older kakak at that school..they even dare to give the syarahan that my babah karangkan...i was so angry at that time but what could i do..i was only 8 years old...
back home when i told my babah what happen...i can see that he is also frustrated...he confronted my ustazah but the same excuse was given and my babah lost for words...
On the day of the ceremony, when they called upon that kakak to present the syarahan..tears slowly running down my cheek and i followed every word that she said and i tak lupa satu perkataan pun....i could never forget that day....

From a mother to a mother

2005-08-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

ONE EYED MOTHER........
Something to share, A MOTHERS LETTER!

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell...anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.
I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! If you're only going to make me a laughingstock, why don't you just die?!" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad,
but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time..
Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly. That night... I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of
water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there
was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty. Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom. This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!"
...It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. And i asked her, "Who are you?!. I don't know you!!!" as if trying to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered,"oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared.
Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life. Then a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote:
My son...
I think my life has been long enough now. And.. I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that i only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.
You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me. 'I miss the times when you were still young around me. I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me!

Wind beneath my wings

2005-07-22T02:08:00.000-07:00

I dedicated this songs for somebody whom I respect for her courage and her spirit in fighting..Dear Mobilemom..be strong...my prayers are for you..

Wind Beneath My Wings"
Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.
Did you ever know that you're my hero,and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,for you are the wind beneath my wings.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed,but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,for you are the wind beneath my wings.
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,for you are the wind beneath my wings,'
cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,thank God for you,
the wind beneath my wings

2005-07-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

My DD forwarded this email to me the other day...just thought of sharing it...hopefully it will do great to you guys...

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU DIUJI?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami
telah beriman," sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya kami telah
menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg
benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."
-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA AKU TAK DAPAT APA YG AKU IDAM-IDAMKAN?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh
jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah
mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."
Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA UJIAN SEBERAT INI?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan
kesanggupannya."
Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

KITA BERTANYA : KENAPA RASA FRUST?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal
kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman."
Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala
kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan
kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan
perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah- daerah
sempadan) serta bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya
(mencapai kemenangan)."
KITA BERTANYA : BAGAIMANA HARUS AKU MENGHADAPINYA?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan
mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat
kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk"

Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45

KITA BERTANYA : APA YANG AKU DAPAT DRPD SEMUA INI?

QURAN MENJAWAB
"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dr org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka
dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka... ..

Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

KITA BERTANYA : KEPADA SIAPA AKU BERHARAP?
QURAN MENJAWAB
"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain drNya. Hanya kepadaNya aku
bertawakkal."

Surah At-Taubah ayat 129

KITA BERKATA : AKU TAK DAPAT TAHAN!!!
QURAN MENJAWAB
"... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada
berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir."
Surah Yusuf ayat 12

Bersuka ria...

2005-06-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday was Danish's sports day..oh we had fun...malam tu sebelum tido I dah ingatkan my munchkin..esok Danish lari kuat-kuat tau...jangan pandang orang lain tau...buat cepat-cepat tau...and he answered Ok mama..mama pun lega...besok pagi mama pesan lagi...Danish kena menang tau...tau! dia jawab...
sekali masa his turn it turn out that dia leka menengok orang and how I laughed at him...so cute...tak pe lah danish ....tak menang pun tak pe....usually dalam sports day in his school memang parents yang lebih2...this year we opt out from the parents race sebab my DD tak sihat...
Hopefully he will win next time....
****************************************************
yesterday, Danish went to school, so as usual bila balik kerja he will show me his art work and chop yang dia dapat sebab well done in class....so I ask Danish buat apa kat sekolah...jumpa awek??he answered ...I was stunned!

How do I get to know?

2005-06-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

Balik dari ofis semlm singgah klinik nak ambik result blood test yg dibuat..sah tak immune Hep.B so terus la suruh Dr jap for Hep.B...Ptg2 selalu kalau kt klinik ni tak de org so bolehla borak lama dengan Dr...She asked how did I get to know Danish had DS...I memang tak pernah lagi wrote this down...so here it goes...
When I was 7th month pregnant, in my monthly check up my gynae detected that my 'water' is unusually extra..so she said there is 2 circumstances that could happen, first that I ada kencing manis or second something wrong with my baby. so I had to do a test to see whether I'm Diabetic ke tak..kena minum air oren yg tak sedap tu...the result was out and sah I tak de kencing manis...so is there something wrong with my bay..masa tu my gynae tak dapat detect apa-apa lagi so at that point of time we just hope for the best...
My baby was born on 13th March 2001...lepas keluar je Dr terus masukkan D dlm incubator sebab he turned blue...after 3 days Dr still could not detect kenapa he turned blue..there's nothing wrong with his heart...I akan mengulang dia kat Hospital masa time minum and I will try to breast feed him tapi dia jenis tak sabar dan akan mengamuk sakan sebab dia belum pandai breast feed lagi....and dlm 2-3 hari tu lah we realise that kalau Danish minum dalam position yang betul dia akan ok tapi kalau position tekak dia tak betul he will start to turn blue starting from his upper lips naik ke hidung...so dr kata maybe tekak dia premature lagi so we have to be careful when feeding him...make sure he is in the correct position..
Back to the Dr, after 5 hari kat dlm incubator Dr announce that he had to do some blood test to Danish sebab katanya dia detect ada some abnormality pada baby that is:
1. his nipple is too father away from each other
2. langit2 dia tinggi sangat
3. tekak dia yg premature

blood tu dihantar to lab kat LPPKN for chromosome test and at that time the Dr confirm that it is nothing serious..at that time we all dah boleh bawak balik baby and just remember to position him well masa feeding...2 weeks after that the result came out and it was confirmed that Danish had translocation Down Syndrome...masa tu memang la shock..menangis sekuat-kuat hati...tapi we told each other we haveto be strong for him.....bila dah tahu the result, I search in the net for infos...baca buku and finally we met the Genetic counsellor in UH yang bagi guidance in terms of apa yang kena take extra precaution...his medical check up..his skills..his early development program...
he did his heart test in IJN and it turns out that he had no heart problem..(one of the common problem in DS children)..have to do his ear and eye check up every 6 moths in UH..the Drs are wonderful..even I got a dentist for Danish who is also a Kiwanian who is also excellent (he is a specialist for children with disability)..we as a parent have to be proactive..networking group..baca..search internet...sebab hospital memang takde proper guidance on how are we going to cope on the matter...health issues...and etc..
so he is already 4 years old cute as ever..tak macam DS boy pun..whatever describe as features of DS children tak de pun kat Danish except that a bit slow catching up...he's going to start his kindergarten next year..hope for the best..we try to give him the best that could to help him to catch up with the world...Good luck to me...

How do I feel??

2005-06-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

Ada email posted to me by a new parent and asked me how do I feel and my previous experience with my eldest...then I remembered a story about Holland and it really shows how I feel when I know that Danish had DS....so here it is...

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. Michelangelo's David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

And that is exactly how I feel too....

Cuti Sekolah...

2005-05-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

My DD decide untuk mengeksport kedua munchkin tu balik ikut dia this weekend for 2 weeks...ohh sunyinya rasa hati...selalunya kalau mlm-mlm jenuh mengejar Ceprek sebab tak abih-abih mengukur rumah..tapi malam tadi rasa sunyi je umah mama...si Abang muka selamba je masa lambai kita..tak de rasa sedih lansung...mama dia dah nak menangis dah diorang nih rileks je...
semalam gak berkunjung ke jualan amal majlis kanser negara...banyaklah barang-barang yang dijual...barang yang baru ada..makanan pun banyak...barang second hand pun not bad...bayangkan kasut ferragamo diorang jual for only RM50...hmmm sayang tak de saiz..kalau tak memang dah angkut...nak ambik gambar artis kena bayar RM30...boleh naik kuda...ok la for a good deed..tapi tengok sambutannya tak begitu meriah dibandingkan dengan Karnival Sure Heboh..kalau nak kata promo tak ok,kita pun dapat info kat TV..yang ramai kat saya mak datin-mak datin..orang macam kita nih ada dua tiga kerat jer...bought reader's digest 2004 copies,
3 copies for only RM2..cheap.cheap..cheap...
2 of my collegues just came back from London and Hiroshima..diorang yang tau my favorite souvenir bought for me fridge magnets....comel comel...menambahkan collection yang ada...orang kat opis nih memang macam tuh..ada sekali tuh tengah sibuk berulang alik ke India so dapat la punjabi suit yg menjadi idaman...org balik dari Bintulu, dapat belacan..balik dari Tawau, dapat daging rusa...so apa anda dapat?

Kesedihan di pagi hari

2005-05-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

Sampai je di opis pagi tadi dikejutkan dengan berita menyayat hati yg mana one of our collegue telah kembali ke rahmahtullah malam semalam....rasanya terakhir mendapat berita berkenaan kesihatan arwah khabarnya dia sudah semakin recover dari the big C (as described by Kak Teh), tapi ye lah ajal maut ditangan tuhan....sayu rasa hati bila melihat ahli keluarga arwah mengusung jenazah didepan mata...walaupun kesempatan untuk berkenalan hanya seketika tetapi masih terbayang lagi gelak tawa arwah bila saya mengusik..saya memang kalau tak mengusik orang tak sah...almaklumlah...minah kecoh...
setengah jam kemudian satu lagi announcement dibuat iaitu kembalinya seorang lagi kakitangan kami telah kembali ke rahmahtullah kerana kemalangan...seorang sahabat sempat bercerita yg baru semalam berseloroh dengan arwah semasa dia datang menghantar dokumen ke pejabat kami....

Al fatihah...

Berwajah Baru

2005-05-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well, after some time meninggalkan Diaryland...I decided to move my blog here...it is not that I'm actively updating my diary tapi recently when I have issues yg nak luahkan so I decided to write again...
Mendengar berita semalam hati menjadi sayu...how do I feel if I'm going to see my children kena gelek macam tuh...I wouldn't be sure if I could describe it in words....as long as I could remember..Jln tu memang telah terkenal di Klang sebagai menjadi salah satu dari lebuh raya yg paling merbahaya..baik semasa constructionnya yg memakan masa bertahun-tahun sampai la sekarang dah siap masih lagi ada yg terkorban disitu...I remember when I was dating my dear darling at that time..he was working there..ala kawasan perindustrian Sultan Sulaiman tu and everyday dia akan cerita ada saja accident yg jadi kat highway tuh...disebabkan kat situ kawasan perindustrian banyakla lori-lori dan treler yang lalu dan kalau semua pemandu-pemandu tu berhemah tinggi mungkin keadaan tak jadi sebegini...
Back to my dear Darling..masa mula-mula keje dulu pakai motor le mana la mampu nak bwk keta lg ..so one day dia terjatuh moto...disebabkan nak mngelakkan treler yg laju nih..mendengarkan cerita anak dia terjatuh tuh,minggu depan tu terus dia suruh keluarkan duit ASB darling saya dan belikan kereta Datsun 120y..ala keta yg masa dulu-dulu org gunakan kt driving school tuh...jln tuh mmg bahaya and that was 6 to 7 years ago...
And masa my dear darling bercerita tentang penduduk kampung yang akan belasah org yang langgar harta benda (termasuk binatang ternakan diorang) atau penduduk..I was stunned and tak percaya...tapi bila dah keluar dlm berita semalam memang betul... diorang memang belasah teruk mamat drebar tuh...fuyoo mcm citer Hindustan plak..
But I still bersimpati dengan keluarga mangsa semalam...sayu hati mendengar cerita yg dia nak bagi hadiah kat cikgu dia...tapi apakan daya hajatnya tak kesampaian...